Just so you know…

Posted by admin in Growing Up Twisted

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Looking back on my story with Scoliosis there is so much I wish I would known at the time. It would have made things a little easier if I would have seen the light at the end of tunnel. At the time no one really talked about having Scoliosis and being in Middle School, I truly felt like an outcast. I didn’t really get the full impact of what was going on with my spine, nor did I really care. I really wished I had been more hopeful and positive. Sitting in the doctor office that day I felt like my life was over. If I only I knew it was only the beginning of an awesome, amazing, twisty journey that led me to be the person I am today.

This is a letter to a twelve year old me:

Dear Alana,

This new journey with Scoliosis isn’t going to bad as it seems now. I know it’s not how you pictured your life when you were a little girl, dreams of normal adolescence seem so far out reach. I know you’re going to lay awake worrying, wondering what is going to happen to you – but don’t.  It will be okay.  As off the wall as that seems now, everything will work itself out just perfect and just how it’s suppose to be. 

You can’t even imagine everything you’re going to through on top of being diagnosed with Scoliosis. Things are going to stressful, your going to feel hopeless and defeated but don’t loose faith! Scoliosis is just going to be just another bump in the road. Your life is going to be eventful, fun, fabulous and incredible. Your family is so supportive of you and your Scoliosis.  You’re going to have such a strong support system that will be there every step of the way through the endless parade of medical tests, MRIs, surgeries, and x-rays. They will be there through everything and forever more will always be there for you, no matter what you’re going through.

The next couple of years are going to be tough. Some days are going to be terrible, you’re going to want to hide, and not deal with it, but be strong. Wearing a brace isn’t a fashion statement at twelve but you’re wearing it because you need it. Ignore those who are negative. People your age aren’t going to understand how deep and serious everything is going to be that you’re going through. They don’t see the pain they’re inflicting when they point out your brace or surgical scars. It doesn’t make it any better but just know that this has nothing to do with you. Something inside themselves is broken that they feel the need to tear you down. Girls at this age can be mean, anyone who has any slight difference is a target to them. Best way to deal with this is self acceptance.  The sooner you can come to terms with your disorder the sooner there words are going to no longer hurt.

You’re not going to be lucky enough to just wear a brace, you’re going to have surgery. A lot of surgery, and not just on your back. You’re going to be upset, you’re going to fight it, but there is nothing you can do, yet again this is something that you need. This surgery will save your life to give a fighting chance to have the “normal” life you crave.

You’re really going to have some of the best surgeons around. They truly have your best interest in mind and will take such amazing care of you.  Your even going to have your Scoliosis studied and presented to many doctors and big conferences. Think of all the people you can help, by being open and honest about what your going through.

Surgery is going to be painful and the recovery is going to be worse. No one said this was going to be easy, but trust me in the long run it will totally be worth it. Don’t be negative; God only knows how easy it will be. But self hate will get you no where. You don’t have the worst case of Scoliosis. There was always be someone with a worse curve then you… just get over it now. Just take some time and be thankful they can fix it. It may not seem that way at the time but compared to what other disorders you could have, Scoliosis is nothing. Just think though… on the bright side you really like hospital food

After surgery your spine is going to look so good. You’ll have a few scars but in end who cares. Some will be emotional others will simply be physical. Like your surgical scars the emotional ones will heal, but you will never forget. After all these struggles you might be a little discouraged but your life is going to be amazing – don’t you forget it. You are so strong to be going through everything you have endured. This battle with shape the women have today and everything even the bad things are going to be worth it. In the end you prove that your more then the girl with the curved spine. I just really want you to know that you’re going to make it.  See you in the mirror!

Love Always,
Screen shot 2011 11 03 at 1.09.07 AM1 Just so you know...

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  • samantha murguia

    I love it and sooo true! It’s a long and emotional journey. I’m 29 I remember every single 1 of my surgerys and tests and dr.s appts. Very scary. Recovery was hard I had to learn how to walk all over again each time. But you’re right the faster you accept it the better your life will be! I remember when I accepted mine! I was about 24 I was in hawaii. I was envious of the girls with halters and tube tops wishing I could wear that and have a pretty back. But I always covered up jackets cardigans etc. GOD FORBID I SHOW MY SCARS! Lol but then I saw a girl who wore a halter and her whole arm was badly burned but scared from it. And she walked around like nothing! Wow I told myself if she could do it so could I! And all I had was scars on my back! You’re sooo right! There’s always gonna be someone who has it worse than you! And you know what..there is someone out there wishes they had your body! I actually like talking about it now! I wear any kind of clothes now and I don’t care! =)

  • claire

    hi! im claire, also have scoliosis. i wore brace when i was a teenager. now, im already 29 and my curve is about 75degrees. i want to have a surgery but sad to say i just can’t afford it. you are lucky coz you have all the means to make you better…. you inspire me a lot. your letter made me cry. it was really a nice letter… im trying hard to work now to earn more so i can fix my back. i hope i can make it happen. and if i fail, i know god has a reason.. i just hope i can continue dealing with this dilemma with you guys for moral support… your optimism encourages me to just live life and be happy despite all these…

  • Sonia P

    i am 29 yrs old and had scoliosis surgery when i was 24, April 1st… weird hey??? i still am learning to accept, and having this disorder also brought on a serious case of depression. i am lucky to be Canadian and have the surgery covered and performed by one of the best. i stll at times feel alone having scoliosis, so its really awesome that theres a means to connect all of the twisted sisters and brothers out there!!! Thank youfor sharing your story!! hugs!!